T’s” View
Monday, July 23 - 7:00 AM – Boy, I feel crummy today. It's hot and humid, my hair is straight, the kids want rides and I haven't got a car, my knee hurts, and I have no idea what I'm going to write for today's column. Why don't I just quit my job. And who cares about what I have to say in that dumb column. I wish I could just go back to bed and get up on some other planet. Growl, Growl! Usually I consider myself an “up” person and thought I had all the answers for why people get “down” – self pity, not enough interest in things outside themselves, poor thinking habits, etc., etc.— but now that the “downs” have come upon me, I'm realizing it's not so easy to just “pull yourself up by the bootstraps” and change the downs to ups. Maybe I'm still tired from my vacation, maybe I'm just coming down with something, maybe it's just old age, but this past week I feel like I haven't been myself and it made me realize how painful it is not to be able to be the person you'd like to be. I thought of all the cranky people I've known over the years, whom I've tried to avoid as much as possible because they had such gloomy outlooks, and now that I'm finding myself in their shoes, I see it's not so easy to dispel the blues. All the advice I thought others should take to cheer up now sounds like just words and I feel helpless in getting rid of the blahs. My strongest advice to others when they were in the dumps was for them to forget about themselves and do something for someone else. While I still feel that's useful advice, I'm realizing that it takes some spirit to do that and when you're in the dumps it's probably because that spirit just isn't there. Right now I feel that maybe better advice would be to tell them to forget about everybody else and do something for themselves. What I'd really like to do today is, first of all, take a nap, then maybe sit in the sun for a few hours with a good book and escape from the hectic world of reality. They say we modern women have it easy, with all our time-saving devices in the home, but I don't think women ever had it tougher than today. We have all the jobs we had before plus the added responsibility of taking on outside jobs as well to make ends meet. No wonder we're worn out! How much are we supposed to be able to do in 24 hours? Grumble, Grumble. I'm sorry, really I am. I'm just having a bad day and it would have made more sense to just skip this column today, I'm sure. But then people would want to know why I skipped and I'd only have to tell them the whole sordid story anyway, so here it is in print for all the world to know that I have my share of bad days and good days. If I'm to follow my own advice, though (I always say there's some good in everything, all you have to do is look for it) I guess what I do have to admit is that this miserable mood will teach me at least not to judge those who are cranky and irritable, because it's probably just as painful for them to be what they are as it is for others to tolerate them, and I hope that next time I come across such a person I'll try to see the pain underneath the grouchy exterior. (If you don't see my column next week it either will mean that I still didn't get over the blues, or that I got fired for writing this particular column.)
*Terri the Typesetter
T-Views
Theresa Andersen's articles. I am posting these in her honor. We love you Mom! We hope you are happy in heaven.-------------------------------------------------- Please check bottom of this blog for Older Posts
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Friday, April 15, 2016
What complex beings we humans are.
T’s.” View
What complex beings we humans are. Last week I wrote about people seeing only what they do for others and often not seeing what others do for them. This week I'd like to qualify that. What we don't see is what the other person is doing RIGHT, but we sure do see what the other person is doing WRONG. And the funny (not really) part is how we don't see what we're doing wrong ourselves. How often we criticize a person for doing what we perceive as "wrong" and then we turn around and do the same thing ourselves without thinking anything of it. Somebody once said that what bothers us most about other people is something we're usually guilty of ourselves. I remember introducing two ladies who I thought were so much alike and figured they'd like each other because they had so much in common—both prided themselves on being good cooks and having only the best in clothes and furniture. It turned out they couldn't stand each other, each saying the other was a braggart about her cooking and possessions. Someone else once said, "What bothers us most about other people is that they're not just like us: Most people would probably deny that last quote (forgive me for never knowing the sources of my quotes) but when you think about it, that does seem to be true. (Am I getting too confusing? Too preachy? Actually I wasn't prepared to write a column today because I didn't realize Monday was a holiday and the deadline was pushed back to Saturday, so forgive me if I'm rambling.) - I guess that's where the complexity of the human being comes in, because while we'd really like the other person to be like us, what bothers us is that the other person is often just like us but it's a side of ourselves we choose not to acknowledge. It seems we all set our own code of ethics and then expect everyone but ourselves to follow the rules. Anyway, I find this whole business of being human a fascinating subject and it never ceases to amaze me how complex we are. Someday I'd like to take a bunch of psychology courses and really learn about what makes us tick. For now, all I have to go on is gut feelings and simplistic observations. I'd also like to study that great computer in our heads, the human brain. We marvel at the latest technology and what a computer can do, when actually it's still got a long way to go before it can even come close to the capacity of the human brain. And you know what they say—a computer is only as good as its program. Since we have the power to program those computers in our heads, every choice we make has an effect on our programs. It's an awesome thought.
*Terri the Typesetter
T-Views - Week of June, 3,1984
Wednesday, April 13, 2016
Expectations
T’s* View
I think that most of our hurts and disappointments come from our own expectations of what we think another person should do or say, and most of the time that other person has no idea what our expectations are. We could save ourselves a lot of heartache if we could either let the other person know what we expect or, if we choose not to make that known, at least not blame people for something they're not aware of. Another thing that often causes heartache is the resentment we feel because of what we do for another person who seems ungrateful, while he or she may be totally unaware of what we're actually doing for them (and if they did know, it's just possible that they might not even want you to do what you're doing for them.) While visiting an older couple recently, I spent some time in the kitchen with the wife, who went on and on about how much she does for her husband, who is ailing and can't get around as well as he used to. A little later I sat in the living room with the husband, who went on and on telling me how much he had to do for his wife, now that she's getting on in years and doesn't remember things as well as she used to. As I listened to each of them I couldn't help thinking how sad it was that each one saw only what he or she did for the other but didn't see what the other was doing for them. Just think what a difference it would have made if the husband saw all that the wife was doing for him and the wife saw what her husband was doing for her. The aging and helpless situation itself wouldn't be changed, but wouldn't the love between them be so much greater if they could see how wonderful their spouse is to them. - - It made me realize how most of us tend to see only what we do and not what the other person does. I thought of all the husbands and wives, children and parents, employers and employees, who are so often unaware of what is being done for them. When all they see is what they do, they can't really be blamed for being unappreciative or not knowing what the other person is doing. I mulled over the situation for a while and wondered how it could be remedied but couldn't really come up with a good answer. It seems what we need is some way that we could communicate what we do for someone else without it looking like we were bragging or looking for praise. I tried to get my husband to make a list of things he feels he does for me that I might not be aware of, but he wouldn't buy the idea. (he hates to write.) Then a few days later, when we were discussing one of the kids and how he didn't seem to know what we were doing for him, only what he felt he was doing for us, said husband piped up with, "Maybe we ought to make a list and show it to him." - In any event, what we need is some form of communication to let us know what is expected of us and what is being done. I can't help but feel that it would eliminate a lot of hard feelings and misunderstandings between people. If only we could be more open with each other about our feelings and thoughts, without taking offense too easily, I think we'd be so much better off.
*Terri the Typesetter
T-Views Week of May 27,1984
What is your secret desire?
T's* View
What's your secret desire? I have a brother who says that you can have anything you want in life, if you want it strongly enough. Well! I argued with him that I couldn't see how that could always be possible, but he was adamant that it could be done, as long as you wanted it badly enough and believed it could be achieved. "Okay," I told him, "my secret desire is to live in a luxurious home with lavish furnishings!" How was he going to manage that, I asked. He wasn't. It was entirely up to me, he said. Couldn't he at least give me a few hints, I pleaded. "Well," he countered, "what's holding you back from having the house of your dreams?" Silly question. 'Money, of course. What else?" I replied, a little condescendingly. "So," he countered, "train yourself for a job that pays a lot of money or divorce your husband and find a man who has a lot of money." - - "Are you kidding!?" I asked incredulously. "I can't do that! Even if I could train myself for a high-paying job, at my age I wouldn't have enough time to amass a fortune; and divorcing my husband is out of the question. I love the guy!" "Well," my brother replied, "then you don't want to live in a luxury house badly enough. You want to live with your husband more, and that negates the house as top priority." "Okay," I said. "I'll revise my first answer. My secret desire is to live in a luxury house with the husband I have and also with our kids." "Is that what you really want? You're sure now?" he persisted. Without hesitation, I affirmed my decision that that was truly my secret desire. "Fine," he said. "Now fix it in your mind that that's what you really want, imagine it as real, work toward that goal, and then just wait for it to happen." "That's it?" Okay, here I go. I'm picturing myself in this fabulous house with a circular driveway in front, enough parking for all our family and guests, plush carpeting throughout the house, elegant furniture and decorating, a fireplace in a cozy family room, luxurious bedrooms with adjoining baths (more than one bath would be a luxury in itself, I told myself), a sauna or jacuzzi, swimming pool, music room, game room and, while I'm at it, a cook and a maid thrown in for good measure. According to my brother, the mind can't distinguish between an imagined fact and the real thing and all it takes is a little time for reality to catch up to fantasy. "How much time?" I asked him. "It depends," he said. "On what?" I wanted to know. "On the strength of your imagination and on your determination," he answered. And that's where the rub comes in—the determination. The desire could be there, all right, but unless the determination is there also, the dream could fly right out the window, my brother says. Why does there always have to be a catch someplace? (Maybe I could win a sweepstakes?) But, who knows, by next week I may have a completely different secret desire.
*Terri the Typesetter
T-Views - Week of May 20, 1984
Monday, April 11, 2016
Getting Organized
T’s* View
This morning I promised myself that I'm definitely going to get my act together and get organized. I'm tired of looking at all the little collections of clippings and other things I keep saving, that are waiting to be put into some kind of order when I finally get around to it. - This morning I was looking for a recipe that I wanted to use for tonight's dinner and I realized that my plastic bag full of recipes clipped out of magazines and newspapers is getting completely out of hand. Every month or so I tell myself I'll sort all those pieces of paper info categories of least, so that it'll be easier to find what I'm looking for but instead I just keep adding to the pile and never get to the sorting. On days when I really feel ambitious I even tell myself I'll put them into a scrapbook, cookbook fashion, or copy them down on 3x5 cards and make a neat file for them, but of course first I have to buy some 3x5 cards and I'm sure that even if I did, they'd just land up in another pile next to the recipes. ...Or next to the pile of photos I keep meaning to put into the family album. Sometimes I wonder why I even bother taking pictures anymore. When we first got married and after the first child came along, every little occasion was dutifully recorded in the photo album. With each successive birth, however, the number of photographs lessened, until the last kid is lucky to have a picture in the album at all. I must be about five years behind now in putting pictures into albums and probably the only way I'll ever get around to organizing the albums is if I'm laid up in bed and am looking for something to do. Another thing I keep meaning to do is cover the kitchen shelves with shelf paper. It's 15 years since we moved into this house, and I haven't gotten around to it yet. Then there's the box of patterns and unfinished sewing projects that I keep meaning to get to, although it probably wouldn't do me any good to finish some of the dresses I started five years ago, since they'd be out of style and wouldn't fit me anyway. And if only I'd start some of those diets and exercises that I constantly clip out of magazines ... or straighten out the drawers and closets. There just never seems to be enough time to get everything done that needs to be done. I was telling a friend of mine how I hoped that in my eternal life after this one I'll have enough time to do all the things I wanted to do on this earth but never had time for, to which she replied: "I've heard of people putting things off, but never THAT long!" - Another friend of mine, though — a very organized friend, I might add — thought there was no excuse for my procrastination. All it takes is discipline, she said (there's that nasty word again!). She then proceeded to tell me her secret of being organized. Rather than wait until she has a whole day to work on a project, every time she has 10 or 15 minutes free, she takes one drawer or one project that needs organizing and does a little at a time. And before you know it, she says, little by little it all gets done — just like that! Well, I promise — tomorrow I'm definitely going to get organized!
*Terri the Typesetter
TViews Week of April 29, 1984
The Lottery
T’s* View
ls there anyone who didn't buy a lottery ticket last week? With the winnings up to $7 million, it seems everyone and his brother wanted a chance at that grand prize. Until then, I myself had no interest in the Lotto games, but it was like a raging fever when the prize went up so high, and everyone I know caught the Lotto bug, including me. And, of course, with a chance on the big winnings came the speculation of how the money would be spent if won. "What's the first thing that you would buy if you had seven million dollars?" is a question I asked a lot of people last week, and it was interesting to note that the answers varied according to the age of those questioned. The younger people's "vision of sugar plums" usually included a showy, expensive car, a lot of good times and finally, maybe save some of it. The slightly older group, or young marrieds, thought first of a house, then a car, then of saving for their children's education, and financial security. The next age group, not quite newlyweds but not senior citizens yet either, seemed to put travel first on their list, then possibly a new home, and a good chunk would go into savings. The oldest person questioned, a 76-year-old grandmother, said she'd buy some extravagant things for her children and grandchildren, and put the rest of the money away in trust for them. - There were a few of the younger people who said they'd give money to their relatives or friends, or people in need, but they were in the minority. However, I think that's only because the question was hypothetical and the emphasis was on "what would you buy for yourself" or "what's your dream desire if money were no object." If fantasy came to reality, I'm sure lots of people would share with their families or donate to charity (if for no other reason than to save on their income tax.) But while all of us can dream about how easy life would be if only we had more money, someone who did win a big sum wrote to Ann Landers not long ago, telling her how miserable her life was ever since she won all that money. Requests came from people she knew and people she didn't know, who thought it only fair that she share her good fortune with them. I was telling the sad story to a friend of mine who was buying a dozen lottery tickets, but she just came back with "That's okay. I know it would just be a new set of problems for me, but I'm ready for a different set now anyway. If nothing else, it'll be a change and I'm willing to risk it." So what do you think? Is winning a bundle worth all the problems it could bring on? I guess I think like my friend does—I'm perfectly willing to try it. Just think...a house that doesn't constantly need fixing, a professional decorating job with gorgeous furnishings, (more than one bathroom), a car that doesn't stall every time the weather is rainy, cold or damp, a garage to put the car in, nice clothes, no worries about bills of any kind, a chance to travel with the whole family, etc., etc., etc. Yes, I think I'd be willing to give it a try.
*Terri the Typesetter
T-Views ~ Week Of April 1, 1984
ls there anyone who didn't buy a lottery ticket last week? With the winnings up to $7 million, it seems everyone and his brother wanted a chance at that grand prize. Until then, I myself had no interest in the Lotto games, but it was like a raging fever when the prize went up so high, and everyone I know caught the Lotto bug, including me. And, of course, with a chance on the big winnings came the speculation of how the money would be spent if won. "What's the first thing that you would buy if you had seven million dollars?" is a question I asked a lot of people last week, and it was interesting to note that the answers varied according to the age of those questioned. The younger people's "vision of sugar plums" usually included a showy, expensive car, a lot of good times and finally, maybe save some of it. The slightly older group, or young marrieds, thought first of a house, then a car, then of saving for their children's education, and financial security. The next age group, not quite newlyweds but not senior citizens yet either, seemed to put travel first on their list, then possibly a new home, and a good chunk would go into savings. The oldest person questioned, a 76-year-old grandmother, said she'd buy some extravagant things for her children and grandchildren, and put the rest of the money away in trust for them. - There were a few of the younger people who said they'd give money to their relatives or friends, or people in need, but they were in the minority. However, I think that's only because the question was hypothetical and the emphasis was on "what would you buy for yourself" or "what's your dream desire if money were no object." If fantasy came to reality, I'm sure lots of people would share with their families or donate to charity (if for no other reason than to save on their income tax.) But while all of us can dream about how easy life would be if only we had more money, someone who did win a big sum wrote to Ann Landers not long ago, telling her how miserable her life was ever since she won all that money. Requests came from people she knew and people she didn't know, who thought it only fair that she share her good fortune with them. I was telling the sad story to a friend of mine who was buying a dozen lottery tickets, but she just came back with "That's okay. I know it would just be a new set of problems for me, but I'm ready for a different set now anyway. If nothing else, it'll be a change and I'm willing to risk it." So what do you think? Is winning a bundle worth all the problems it could bring on? I guess I think like my friend does—I'm perfectly willing to try it. Just think...a house that doesn't constantly need fixing, a professional decorating job with gorgeous furnishings, (more than one bathroom), a car that doesn't stall every time the weather is rainy, cold or damp, a garage to put the car in, nice clothes, no worries about bills of any kind, a chance to travel with the whole family, etc., etc., etc. Yes, I think I'd be willing to give it a try.
*Terri the Typesetter
T-Views ~ Week Of April 1, 1984
Sunday, April 10, 2016
To diet or not to diet
T’s* View
To diet or not to diet, that's the infernal question. Do I do something about getting into those clothes which are getting snugger and snugger-fitting, or do I go out and buy a whole new wardrobe? At 15 years of age (and 5'4") I was 115 lbs. Since then I seem to have gained a pound for every year of my life. Either I have to stop adding pounds or stop adding years, but it's getting out of hand. When I was 125 lbs. at 25 years of age I vowed that I would never let myself go beyond 130, but the pounds kept adding up as automatically as the years. At times I would tell myself: "So what? How many 50 year olds have 25 year old figures? Why not just let it happen and enjoy the delights of food, fattening or not?" Then the other half of me would answer: "Oh, yeah? Look how out-of-shape you are. And look at Joan Collins and Nancy Reagan. They hung on to their figures, so it's not impossible!" Of course the first part of me has an answer for that one: "Sure, they probably spend all kinds of money at health spas and have somebody prepare non-fattening foods for them. Or else they're just two of those lucky people who never have to watch what they eat. They probably drink a milkshake and LOSE a pound!" And the battle within goes on and on. Of course, there are all kinds of diet books on the market, and almost every magazine you pick up has some kind of diet in it. (Then two pages later there are all kinds of delicious recipes for fattening things to tempt you to put back whatever pounds you may lose on the diet.) They make every diet printed sound so easy and so satisfying: "You need never feel hungry again," or "you'll never even know you're on a diet," but I've yet to find a reducing diet that didn't leave me feeling cheated. I've tried the diets that consist of a can of dried powder (supposedly nutritionally good for you, but after a few days I actually felt sick on one of those); I've tried a diet that consisted of pills that contained all the herbs and vitamins your body needs (the pills were so big, I choked every time I took them); and I've tried the caramel candy diet (people would run in the other direction when I told them I was carrying Ayds...they didn't bother to hear the rest of the sentence, namely, ...in my purse.) Then there are friends who say stick to carbohydrates only (or is that "avoid" carbohydrates?) Others say stay away from potatoes and bread and then I'll read somewhere that potatoes and bread are NOT fattening (only what you put on them is). Everyone wants to help, I guess, but it only adds to a lot of confusion. As for the people who try to make me feel better by saying things like: "But I like you fat" or "a full face hides the wrinkles," I want to scream "I'm not THAT fat! Oh, well, they all mean well...but to get those pounds off I guess there's no substitute for willpower and discipline—something I seem to be in short supply of when it comes to dieting. I watch my skinny friends eat a salad simply because they like ił; when I eat a salad, my mind automatically hollers "where's the beef?!" If only someone could come up with a low-calorie diet that tastes like fattening food, and an exercise program that works while you sleep, there might be a chance for me.
*Terri the Typesetter
March 28, 1984 --- ------ Page 34
Cleaning House
T's* View
I like a clean house just as much as anyone else does, and even though I try to keep mine at least "surface clean" all the time, there's always that nagging feeling that I'm not doing a thorough enough job with the little time I have to devote to it. The windows, the drapes, the floors, the rugs—cleaning them always seems to be put on hold. Likewise for closets, drawers, attic and cellar, under the couch and behind the piano. As for "things that accumulate," keeping up with that is a 24-hour a day job in itself. Anyway, with spring coming, I had just about decided to do a thorough cleaning job real soon—you know, the whole "spring cleaning" bit—when I saw something in the paper which said that research has found FALL is actually the best time to do your housecleaning. Well! Should I disregard the modern findings or should I be an old fuddy-duddy and insist on "the old way." - As it is, I've always been trying to figure out when was the best time of year to clean house. It can't be winter, when everyone comes in with snow on their boots and the kids come in with wet clothes about six times a day, allowing for changes into dry clothes every hour or so. I don't know how other families cope with the problem, but it seems I always have wet boots, gloves, hats and scarves piled around the heating units. Newspaper under the wet things only leaves its ink marks on the linoleum, and I'll be darned if I scrub the kitchen floor every time there's snow on the ground. Then there's mud season in the spring, when instead of tracking snow into the house it's mud that's brought in on the soles of shoes. (Yes, we have a doormat—two, in fact—but I think everyone skips right over them.) And it's not really warm enough yet to wash windows. Then I figure if I can't do the windows, what's the point of cleaning the curtains and drapes? Once summertime comes, it will be the perfect time to do a thorough housecleaning. On second thought, though, once summertime comes it's awfully hot—and besides, you can't really open the windows long enough to wash them because all the insects will come flying into the house. And if you wash the floors and clean the rugs, they'll only be covered with sand when the kids get home from the beach. So I guess they know what they're talking about when they say fall is the best time for house-cleaning. The kids are back in school, the insects are dying off, so you can have the windows open without screens, and the ground isn't muddy or snow covered. (But what about all those dead leaves that stick to the shoes after a heavy rain?) Could it be that there really is no best time to house-clean and that the job really wasn't meant to be done at all? I mean, after all, if God meant us to clean house, wouldn't He have made a season appropriate for it?
*Terri the Typesetter
T–Views Week of March 18, 1984
I like a clean house just as much as anyone else does, and even though I try to keep mine at least "surface clean" all the time, there's always that nagging feeling that I'm not doing a thorough enough job with the little time I have to devote to it. The windows, the drapes, the floors, the rugs—cleaning them always seems to be put on hold. Likewise for closets, drawers, attic and cellar, under the couch and behind the piano. As for "things that accumulate," keeping up with that is a 24-hour a day job in itself. Anyway, with spring coming, I had just about decided to do a thorough cleaning job real soon—you know, the whole "spring cleaning" bit—when I saw something in the paper which said that research has found FALL is actually the best time to do your housecleaning. Well! Should I disregard the modern findings or should I be an old fuddy-duddy and insist on "the old way." - As it is, I've always been trying to figure out when was the best time of year to clean house. It can't be winter, when everyone comes in with snow on their boots and the kids come in with wet clothes about six times a day, allowing for changes into dry clothes every hour or so. I don't know how other families cope with the problem, but it seems I always have wet boots, gloves, hats and scarves piled around the heating units. Newspaper under the wet things only leaves its ink marks on the linoleum, and I'll be darned if I scrub the kitchen floor every time there's snow on the ground. Then there's mud season in the spring, when instead of tracking snow into the house it's mud that's brought in on the soles of shoes. (Yes, we have a doormat—two, in fact—but I think everyone skips right over them.) And it's not really warm enough yet to wash windows. Then I figure if I can't do the windows, what's the point of cleaning the curtains and drapes? Once summertime comes, it will be the perfect time to do a thorough housecleaning. On second thought, though, once summertime comes it's awfully hot—and besides, you can't really open the windows long enough to wash them because all the insects will come flying into the house. And if you wash the floors and clean the rugs, they'll only be covered with sand when the kids get home from the beach. So I guess they know what they're talking about when they say fall is the best time for house-cleaning. The kids are back in school, the insects are dying off, so you can have the windows open without screens, and the ground isn't muddy or snow covered. (But what about all those dead leaves that stick to the shoes after a heavy rain?) Could it be that there really is no best time to house-clean and that the job really wasn't meant to be done at all? I mean, after all, if God meant us to clean house, wouldn't He have made a season appropriate for it?
*Terri the Typesetter
T–Views Week of March 18, 1984