What is this thing called Love?

T’s” View
What is this thing called Love? Everyone craves it, yet no one seems to know exactly how to explain it. There's brotherly love, sisterly love, mother love, father love, puppy love, romantic love, passionate love, love of God, love of country—all classified as love, yet not quite the same in character. When we're very little we don't have to worry about giving love; we're just interested in getting it and are allowed to be very vocal and very demanding. You're a baby left alone too long in a crib? Just give a good yell and Mommy or Daddy will come running to satisfy your need for love and attention. In a few years, we change our tactics a little, but giving is not yet a part of the act. Take the very young girl with a crush on a very young boy. She may tell her best friend how much she likes him, but he comes along and she teases and insults him to hide the fact that she has tender feelings for him. She may get his attention, but that's about all. Unless, of course, he happens to like her, too; then he may very well demonstrate it by hitting her over the head with his books. A little later there's the tongue-tied teenage period, where a normally very vocal girl or boy can't find a thing to say to the object of their affections, and if they do think of something to say, they agonize over it later, wondering how they could be so dumb. As we get older, we risk a little bit of our vulnerability and dare to let our love show in gradual doses. We learn that you get more flies with honey than with vinegar, and the same little girl who insulted the little boy, now turns coquetish and learns to build up his ego if she wants his attention. Once we get married and have children, the giving part of love dominates out of necessity and we start to learn what love is really all about. Our love becomes centered more on ‘other' than on 'self' and our joy comes from loving relationships with spouse and family. Unfortunately, some people never get past the baby stage or little-boy or girl stage of love, and miss out on so much. Then, too, people have different ways of expressing love. Some express it with poetry and flowers, while others prefer the silent treatment and presume you know they love you. If you get desperate enough to ask them, “Do you love me?” they'll give you an answer like: “I married you, didn't I?" regardless of the fact that the marriage may have taken place 20 or 30 years ago. For some, saying “I love you” comes easy, but for others those are the hardest three words to say. Maybe they're afraid of commitment, maybe they're afraid of rejection, but they'll do anything to avoid saying those words. In my mother and father's case, I think they were afraid of spoiling us. My father thought strict discipline was the way to show love, whereas my mother, who was afraid of appearing “mushy,” would give us back rubs and food to show her love. It took me a long time to realize that those back rubs were her way of making body contact, which I guess took the place of hugs. Today, I give my kids back rubs AND hugs, just to make sure they know I love them. - And so, on this Valentine's Day, my wish for all of you is that Love comes into your life and stays there forever.
*Terri the Typesetter
week of February 12, 1984