Happiness comes from complaining less and being positive more often

Spectrum
Maturity
Terri Andersen
Senior Moments
 Friday, December 3, 2004
Happiness comes from complaining less and being positive more often
In my last column, I aired a lot of grievances the average person has with today's world. I wrote about how technology sometimes makes things more unpleasant than we would like them to be (like pre-recorded telephone messages, advertisements on TV and in the mail, unsolicited credit card applications and blank checks). But would it make us happy to do away with today's telephones, televisions or computers? I doubt it. Unfortunately, so much of what irritates us is something that benefits the business or organization that originated the practice, so it's probably here to stay. Since we can't go back in time, we might as well do what we can to enjoy what's good in the here and now. (The Serenity Prayer might help: “God, grant me the serenity to accept what I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.") It's often been said, if you want to be happy, do what it takes to make other people happy. Abraham Lincoln is quoted as saying, “When I do good, I feel good. When I do bad, I feel bad." Scholars say the universe gives back to us what we give to the universe. If we're generous and grateful people, we'll be rewarded with more to be grateful for. If we live a mean or selfish life, peace and happiness will elude us. There may be times when the good we do and giving our best to the world might not be appreciated, but we shouldn't let that bother us. Mother Teresa advocated that we do good and give our best to the world anyway. Another key to happiness is to appreciate what we have and not dwell on what we don't have. Remember the song "Accentuate the Positive, Eliminate the Negative"? That pretty much says it all. Often a person with a few problems might be tempted to ask, “What do I have to be thankful for? My bills are piling up, I hate my job, nobody understands me,” or something to that effect. The trouble is, a lot of people see only what's wrong and don't take the time to see all that's right in their world or put in the effort it takes to get what they want. Every day we have things to be thankful for — the beauty of nature that surrounds us, the abundance of foods available to us, family, friends, the wondrous body we live in — and so much more. What's the one thing anyone with a broken arm or leg would want more than anything else? Healing of that arm or leg, right? Yet if we have nothing broken, we take for granted all of our parts that are working fine. For anyone who doesn't think that's such a big deal, consider Christopher Reeve and what he had to go through after his paralyzing accident. In spite of his acknowledging that the mind and spirit transcend the body, in a Reader's Digest interview he admitted that sometimes it bothered him when people took their ability to move for granted. Sadly, Christopher didn't live to see a cure for spinal injuries, but he did as much as he could to champion that cause, which may very well help future victims. How we think also has a lot to do with happiness. As so many people have said, thoughts become things. Isn't it true that anything created by man first started with a thought? A book I’m reading, “There's a Spiritual Solution to Every Problem" by Wayne Dyer, says many people spend all their energy thinking about what they lack, or what they fear, not realizing that our thoughts have a big influence on what happens in our lives. According to Dr. Dyer, if we say we can't be happy unless we have this or that, we're not allowing happiness to come into our lives, and it will elude us as long as we think that way. The same goes for holding a grudge and harboring hate or resentment, which does more internal harm to the hater than to the one being hated. When we learn to forgive, we do ourselves a favor, Dr. Dyer says. He also says if we pursue a goal and believe we can achieve it, we put ourselves in a frame of mind which brings good vibrations into our field of energy. I think even something as simple as a smile can make a change in our attitude. If you're feeling down in the dumps, put a smile on your face, just for the fun of it, and it's surprising how uplifted that can make you feel. (Of course, if you walk around with a smile on your face all the time, people will wonder what you've just done or what you're thinking about, but so what? Keep them guessing.) Another quote attributed to Lincoln is: “A man can be as happy as he makes up his mind to be.” What we all have to remember is that our most important power is the power of choice. We can choose the negative, which supplies us with a lower energy field, or the positive, which supplies us with a higher energy field. We can choose peace instead of despair, forgiveness instead of holding a grudge, and to give instead of take. See the best in people instead of the worst. Everyone has ups and downs in their life, but it seems to me our happiness or unhappiness depends on which we choose to focus on, the ups or the downs.
Terri Andersen is a resident of New Milford.